How I cook has changed

Guess why? (You don't have to think very hard to get the answer)

    Tulip could get burned,

        or lick the spoon,

            or believe that she is a person; 

                therefore, she qualifies to eat people-food.

We went for her annual checkup today. Tulip gained over two pounds in the past year. 

I still have two unopened thirteen-pound bags of kitten chow. I'll donate them to the animal shelter the next time I am in Smithfield. 

Her new food will be a brand of indoor cat food. We still have a way to go before the open bag of kitten chow is finished.

On Open Letter to My Cat

Dear Tulip, my love ~

I look forward to a certain time in the evening. 

All of your "piss and vinegar" will have diminished to the point when you are sleeping soundly.

It is 9:15pm as I write this. All evening, you have been launching yourself at the living room venetian blinds. I'll yell at you (which is totally ineffective) or try to spray you with a water bottle. Nothing really fazes you, does it?

You bounce from the back of the recliners, then run like lightning into the hallway and back again onto your perch at the back of my chair.

You do take a pause in your shenanigans... once you knock off the plastic dish that covers the fire extinguisher. 

Why is it covered in the first place? Because when you jiggle the metal pieces on top, my nerves get jangled. I had hoped you would leave the darned thing alone because...well, you shouldn't realize it was still there. But covered or not, your curiosity remains.

It is time for me to acknowledge the fact that you are probably smarter than me. 

Love,

Mom

Sing to Cat Stevens' Tune

Morning has Broken

Lyrics by Barbara Crowley, with apologies to Cat Stevens

(Chorus)

Morning has broken

Someone, please fix it.

It’s known as day-break,

(Just so you know).

Cowbells are ringing,

Happiness springing,

So I am singing,

Like it - or not.

(Verse 1)

Afternoon’s too late to

Work in the garden.

Suffering heat stroke’s

Not my best plan.

Praise for the climate

In North Carolina;

Sure beats the winters

Spent living up north.

(Verse 2)

Evenings mean prime time

For watching the Bøøb Tube.

Network and cable,

Netflix and Prime.

All the subscriptions to

Disney and Hulu

Are costing me money,

And broken the bank.

(Chorus)

Morning has broken

Someone, please fix it.

It’s known as day-break,

(Just so you know).

Cowbells are ringing,

Happiness springing,

So I am singing,

Like it - or not.

Tulip's Getting on My Last Nerve...

There are three ways my sweet puddy cat has worn out her welcome today.

One:     I am TRYING to write my novel, but Tulip keeps laying behind my laptop. If she just would stay still, I'd be okay with that. But she s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s out her body, oh so luxuriantly. (This reminds me of how my Dalmatian used to edge me off the bed.) Meanwhile, the laptop disconnects and I must enter my password all over again. Today I've lost the connection four times so far! (Grrrr!) 

Two:    Tulip keeps threatening to overturn her very full food dish off the table. I watch her like a hawk. Sometimes I may even screech like one, just to quell her urge to spill.

Three:    I took her bowl away (temporarily; I'm not a monster), just to see what she would do. Tulip started upending the plastic mat below her dish and munching on the brown plastic pieces on the sides of the table.

Now she's sulking.

Paper munching

Diane H is my new cleaning lady (not that I had an old one). She was referred to me by my Scrabble buddy, Diane M.

On Monday, Diane H learned first-hand about Tulip's penchant for any kind of eating paper. She caught my cat in the act of daintily eating the check I had slipped into her purse.  

Today, Diane M retold this story to me at our weekly Scrabble club. So, my little stinker made a lasting impression on our shared resource.

Tulip's fan base may be growing (or shrinking) with every person she meets.

A fishbowl life

I recently replaced four venetian blinds because not-just-Tulip wrecked the old ones. What's nice about the new blinds is they don't have the cords for kids and pets used to get caught in.

Well, Tulip likes to mess with the new blinds. During the day, I roll the blinds all the way up so she can't get at them. At night, however, I prefer to have the blinds DOWN. I don't want to live in a fishbowl, but it seems that that is my destiny.

On this point, Tulip and I do not agree. 

Even if I lower the living room blinds half-way, she'll jump behind or under them and start to bend the slats. If I'm quick enough to spray her with a water bottle, sometimes I can discourage her.  

Most evenings, two kitchen windows are open all the way. That's OK because I don't spend a lot of time on display. In the living room, I sit in a recliner with windows on either side of me. I'm lucky if the window to my left is 2/3 covered. On the right, Tulip ambushes the blinds from behind my chair, daring me to spritz her. By the time I can react, she's already run out from her hiding spot, just to laugh at me. 

😸   😸   😸   😸   😸   😸   😸   😸   😸   😸    

M👱m doesn't like this game. 

Unlike me, Tulip LIKES living in a 🐠bowl.

Yup, as usual,Tulip wins.

More Tulip-Inspired Hacks

Do you remember me telling you about Tulip's annoying habit of nudging her food bowl off the table? That was fine in the beginning because the bowl was always empty. No big deal, right?

Then she continued to do so when there was still food in her dish. Kibble spilled everywhere! That's not cool, Tulip!

Had to replace the strip of wood that had been on the right hand side of the table because Tulip kept munching on it (I worried about her ingesting glue). Then I installed a plastic wire cover from Dollar Tree to the right side. It was an ingenious idea, except she started pushing her bowl towards the front of the table. The messes continued.

Now the table has two sides with the plastic strips which act like a baby bumper. Adding the border to the front edge has curtailed the previous bowl escapades. A qualified success!

Oh, dear! Tulip was here.

When I first walked into the kitchen this morning, this is what I found:

Overnight, the rubber bands that held the door closed, snapped somehow. 

Do you think that Tulip had something to do with the open doors? My little Tulip? Of course I do.

I had to rearrange the contents because the yellow bag of kitten chow was poking out from the bottom shelf.  

Waiting for me

Enthusiastic dog owners gush about how their pet happily greets them upon their return home. Well, dogs are not the only critters who look forward to welcoming their folks home.

My office window faces the driveway. Unlike your basic canine, she never loses her dignity for a single slavering second. No, she remains poised.

When Tulip hears my car approach, she jumps up on a cedar chest to stare at me and meow. She exudes a calm confidence as I approach the house. To her, this means that the dinner dish will soon be filled. 

She's at it again

Normally when I take a shower, Tulip gets as close to me as she can. She'll poke her head between the cloth shower curtain and the vinyl one. Or else she'll patiently wait for me to come out of the shower, sitting innocently on the toilet seat. 

For some reason, she just realized the presence of the toilet paper roll. You know, PAPER!!! 

Tulip chewed through about four pieces. I guess, going forward, I'll have to relocate the active roll to the top shelf on my étagère (where the unused rolls reside). 

Or I could shut the bathroom door. The trouble with that is I could end up with a depressed or super-meowy kitty cat.

🙀

Don't Trust the Clock

After the change from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time, the custom is to adjust all clocks by an hour. 

Not me. 

The bedside clock is too difficult for me to remember which buttons to push. I'd do the math in my head, whichever way, to get the actual time.* Usually, this scheme works well. This season, I knew that whatever time was displayed, I would need to add an hour. It has been a workable system...until this morning.

The alarm clock read 2:00,  (I assume PM).*  I would have to leave the house by 12:30 to make it on time to Telling Our Stories. I thought, Well, I missed it.

That's what I get for snoozing. I overdid it today. 

Time to change the batteries.

⏰

* Uh-oh; me and math are a dangerous combination

* When you assume, it makes an ASS out of U and ME.

I'm falling apart

A week after falling in the library's parking lot, my back pain was no better. I woke up Thursday and kept having dizzy spells. I decided it was time to go to an ER to see what was going on inside my body.

The left half of my face is a mix of deep purple and a sickly shade of green.

Against my better instincts, I drove to Betsy Johnson Hospital in Dunn because it was closer to home and I did not need to use a highway to get there. (I'm not totally stupid). The experience was surprisingly uneventful (I've always preferred to go to Smithfield).

Granted, I spent a good six hours there. Had two CAT scans of my head and middle back. The results are: no stroke, my orbital bones are intact, and the bones in my back are only bruised. The vertebrae is compressed, so the bones are shifting. My bones are degenerating and I can't do a thing about it except maybe wear a back brace. That's good news, right? Nothing being broken is a win for me.

Then I thought:  

• This is the end of me mowing my own grass.
• This is the 2nd week I've asked my neighbor to mow it for me.   
• This is the end of my performing gardening chores.

AND

• I either need to hire a cleaning lady (because I'm a lazy housefrau).

                                                                                OR

•  I need to find an affordable senior apartment so I won't have any yard chores, period.
• Here? In Selma? In New Jersey?
• Those are frightening things to consider.

I need to discuss this with my son. Tomorrow.

#agingsucks

#aginginplace

#seniorlaments

The color purple

 

The color purple is not my favorite. 

I usually look good in dark colors. 

Not this week.

 

Thursday, I fell outside of the Smithfield Public Library. 

On concrete. 

Right before a meeting.

911 was called. An ambulance came.

The EMTs checked my vitals. 

They placed a large pad over my bleeding forehead.

I refused their kind offer of a ride to the hospital. 

Now I wonder if I made the right choice. 

There's a sharp pain on my left shoulder blade.

Did I bruise or break a rib? 

Should I go to a hospital's ER to check it out? 

Four days after a fall?

Using a heating pad feels OK while I'm seated in a chair. 

Getting out of a chair is a completely different story.

The only thing I'm sure of is that PURPLE is NOT my color!

#blackeye

#seniorfail

#seniorfall

#oopsie

Change of Plans

Tulip's new container of food had been stored on its side in the fridge  (the only way it can fit.) When the bin is full, it's too heavy for me to pick up. (Lawdy me; ah'm just a weak li'l woman!) 

Today was the second time the plastic top came off.  Uh-oh!

😺

    Ten 

        pounds 

            of 

                kibble

                    spread 

                        inside, 

                            outside,

                                and 

                                    under 

                                        the 

                                            fridge. 

Don't want or need dry cat food in the keep-fresh bins.

I swept up what I could. I'll vacuum later. In the meantime, Tulip will help me spot-clean up any scraps she finds. 

It should come as no surprise, the refrigerator needs a good cleaning. 

Sure wish I had a maid.

NEW PLAN FOR NOW: 

The food container sits upright on my bedroom dresser.

 

My Cat's Secret Thoughts

Tulip has no one to talk to unless I'm at home with her. I imagine she speaks to every venetian blind she gets her paws into. "If Mom won't open you, I will!"

Her kibble is stored in a plastic bin -- which Tulip has proven adept at opening. My only recourse was to refrigerate her food. Although I don't always visit the fridge for her specifically, Tulip races to be the first one to arrive at its door. She's forever hopeful that "Mommy's going to feed me!"

At the height of her most obnoxiousness, Tulip not-so-silently demands, "It's time for a meal. Do NOT keep me waiting!"

Tulip regularly visits the kitchen counter. It has long been a bone of contention between us. She has tested (and defeated) all types of barriers since she took up residence here. When realizing her access is blocked, Tulip laments, "Why does Mom insist on ruining my fun?"

It is not unusual to find bits of shredded paper on the floors (often from written notes to myself, or bills due for payment). Then there are paper bags; most cats like to play with them. The latest cat-in-bag experiment started the usual kitty way (comically exploring the Ins and Outs). As my feline chows down to shred the bag, Tulip probably thinks, "This is delicious!" 

There are times when Tulip behaves like a dog. When a guest comes to visit, she sniffs the person's leg to identify the scents. "Hmmm...this human has two cats and five dogs. Very interesting!"

Of course, she enjoys looking out of windows. 

• When my car pulls into the gravel parking space, Tulip appears at the office window. "Mommy's coming!" 
• Once I exit the car, Tulip leaves her perch in a race to meet me at the front door. "Mommy's home!"
• She splits her time between watching birds fly, or the feral cats who catch them, and traces two squirrels scampering up trees. Fall seems to be Tulip's favorite season; if only she could catch leaves falling from trees blowing in the wind. The glass prevents her success. "If only I could sneak out the door. I want to be part of the action."  
• Tulip effectively transmits these messages through body language. Her desire - to visit the great outdoors - is kiboshed by a well-placed foot (or box or shopping bag) in the door. "Mommy, please do not block the door." 
• (Yes, I got her message, but the answer is always "No."

I yearn for the times when Tulip settles in my lap. As she kneads my lumpy lap, she thinks, "Ah... just let me share a quiet moment with you." 

                                           

Her soft purrs let me know, "I love you, Mom."

The feeling is mutual.

💖

Merlee's Journey has a New Cover

Book sales have been underwhelming so far. If potential buyers don't flip the book over, they would not know the story is about "loss and foster care."

So now future copies of Merilee's Journey have the subtitle on the front cover. 

#merileesjourney

#fostercare

#loss

#authorbarbaracrowley

#adoption

I thought I fixed Tulip's wagon

The mesh barrier I put in place last week was not exactly foolproof. 

Well, depending on who you think the fool is...

Tulip snuck beneath the fence numerous times last week due to a stovetop gap. It has since been fixed by putting a closet rack upside down... so far, so good. 

Shh - don't tell Tulip about it because it appears to be working!

 

Notice there are four barriers shown below:

1. The mesh pull-out gate (like a theater's rope barrier system)
2. An inverted metal shelf bridges the stove gap 
3. Look for the inverted office tray on the back burner; covering potatoes
4. See the blue round bin on the right back burner. That's for fruit and veggie peels which will end up in the compost pile.

• The wooden spoon on the counter is how I reach the light switches without taking the expanding fence down.

Bins, bins, bins!

When Tulip started messing with my binders' spine inserts, I bought a few plastic bins with lids to amass my collection of books, binders,  and sundry items. It felt like I was buying one or more bins each week. There's little that she can get into now. 

I thought I was at maximum bin capacity... but of course, I was wrong. Years ago, I had attached a flexible open-top plastic tote to my walker.  The fact that it was an open-top container should have clued me in that it would need replacing. That flexible tote is now in my bedroom (sans walker), pending my next purchase.

Tulip, you're killing me!

On a more positive note, my contractor installed a fabric fence I had purchased on Temu on the kitchen countertop. It's a great deterrent. Its operation is a bit tricky, though. Connie gave me a tutorial on which buttons to push on the left to have the fence retract. Today I texted her to ask how to unclip it from the right side (a series of plastic zip ties). 

Connie texted me back. I will need to cut through the zip ties. It sounded like too much work for me to do at the moment, having just finished weeding for the day. 

Right now, the fabric fence is deterring me from washing my dirty dishes. Well, it was my big idea. I just need to come up with a better system to connect the fence on the right side. (Ugh!)

💔

Next on my shopping list:

    stackable bin for the living room (or two)

    zip ties for the kitchen (or find a better way to secure it to the wall)

 

🐱 😸 😺 🙀

#Tulip

#mischievouscat

#kitchenfix

#catdeterrent

#brightideas

Johnston County Senior Games

Last Thursday was the Silver Arts Showcase and Awards Banquet. My poem won a white ribbon (third place). I sang to Linda Ronstadt's When Will I Be Loved? I garnered a red ribbon for second place.

What I came home to...

 ...was a bouquet of fake flowers on the kitchen floor. It was the second time Tulip pushed over the two vases that were atop the blue hutch. Luckily, the glass vase was knocked over; it did not fall.

More tulip-proofing: the paper towels now reside in the microwave.

The binders stored beneath my cigar-shaped table were also fussed with. Tulip was pulling out the spine label. So I went to a dollar store for yet another plastic bin (the big one in the middle).

#Tulip

#brattycat

May Day

I had a great time in Asheville from May 1st through 4th.

First, I took a tour of the Biltmore Estate. Gorgeous gardens and conservatory. I not only got sunburned, I walked my feet off. That's what I get for not wearing my sneakers!

That evening through Sunday, I attended the North Carolina Writers' Network (NCWN) spring conference. Ron Rash, the author of forty books, was our keynote speaker. I bought three of his novels. Not only have movies been made of his work, many of his works have been translated worldwide.

During our banquet, we were entertained by a woman who is a master of the ukulele and storytelling. I didn't catch her name, but she was enchanting. Her performance of There's a Hole in the Bucket was a crowd-pleaser.

After my last class on Sunday, Zachary Vernon gave his class attendees complementary copies of his book, Our Bodies Electric. 

It was a fantastic weekend!

A Writing Rant

Here is a rant for any group member who uses Reply All  consistently.

My forthcoming guidance to my fellow members of [group name] about Reply or Reply All stems from a few days of not checking my computer for a few days. There were four pages of [group name's] emails that most of us can live without. 

If someone wants to thank a fellow group member or add a 1- or 2-word comment, can't they just message the one person? True; those messages are nice. . . for the one recipient. 

These voluminous messages have me almost putting [our group name's] messages of Thanks and Congratulations in my junk mail folder.

It's ridiculous: I'll see a congratulation message for one person go out to Reply All, which prompts additional thanks or congratulations from every Tom, Dick and Harry is sent - again - to the masses. Then each recipient thanks the sender (and everyone else), ad nauseum.  It's an endless cycle of nonsense. 

Save Reply All for original questions, new information, or helpful answers. Everything else is a waste of everybody's time. 

I apologize for ranting. 

Just hope I don't trip when I get down from my soapbox. 'Nuff said?

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

A Scribbler Box!?!

Like me, you probably don't know what a Scribbler Box is.

https://www.goscribbler.com/?srsltid=AfmBOooLm6ZMiSyT4lnuh8JF2y-A9YQzRvQXOpM8eH7NRwRVsY4INH8A

I registered early for a writing conference with the Triangle Association of Freelancers. I am among ten people who won a special gift subscription. There are four people who not only belong to TAF (known as Taffies), but they are also members of Neuse River Writers. (I'm a winner in two places!)

Once I get my hands on my very own Scribbler box (May 17th conference at the McKimmon Center in Raleigh), I'll let you know what's inside.

#scribbler, #scribblerbox, #writing, #winner, #convention, #TAF, 

#TriangleAssociationofFreelancers, #NRW, #NeuseRiverWriters

The Talented Tulip

This morning, Tulip turned a morning stretch into action. She turned on the bathroom fan.

Next, she'll be flushing the toilet. 

🚽

The Latest Irritant

Just this week, Tulip found a new way to get my attention. Until now, she nudged her empty food bowl off the table it's set on.

Now, she dumps the full dish down. 

Those dark spots aren't ants on the floor. You are seeing the remains of this morning's meal and Tulip's green overturned dish. I bought several slow-feeder dishes. She has no patience to eat slowly.

This is Tulip's way of saving it for later.

#Tulip

#slowfeeder

#cat_tales

Another Rainy Monday

In other words, BLEAH!

But I did switch out my winter clothes for spring/summer.

I scanned Facebook for other people's posts. I can never think of earth-shattering news to add myself.

Watched the latest Randy Rainbow videos on YouTube.

Had a video chat with my primary care physician to get a referral to another MD. Can't get CPAP supplies until I see that doctor.

Did my "homework"...describe my bedroom with only words. I can't believe that I didn't include the wall color and the strips of peel-and-almost-stick wallpaper. I've written two pages without it. Go figure.

It cleared up enough for me to walk to the mailbox.

Still don't have the get-up-and-go to vacuum. I'd rather be bored than do that.

#bored

#writingprompt

Forgetfulness

I had a great plan for completing this flash fiction assignment. I came across the beginning of a story written some time ago on lined pages of mini-pads. I would take that germ of an idea and dictate it onto my laptop.

Like a lot of things lately, I don’t know where that pad is. I thought I’d put it under my laptop. No such luck. Funny: St. Patrick’s Day is Monday. Might I have the luck of the Irish? I do have an Irish last name (my ex-husband’s).

How far should I go in retracing my steps to find it? This exercise runs almost like clockwork because I’m always misplacing things. I can’t even remember what the story was about. I can swear I had it in my hot little hands yesterday.

So…guess I’ll have to come up with another idea.

Perhaps - each time I perform one of my frantic searches - I should keep a log. Mark down the missing item, how long I searched and, if I located the item, where the hell it was.

Things I’ve lost lately: 

• My faux leopard winter coat. It could be at Wake Med in Raleigh, UNC Johnston (Smithfield) or one of the three ambulances I rode in after my car accident in Nov 2023. Gone for good ☹️.

• A pair of prescription glasses lost later that same month. Never found; they had to be reordered. ☹️

• Dropped my phone stylus down the side of my recliner. It’s a hungry piece of furniture.

• No matter what it is I look for, it “disappears.” ☹️

• That first pair of glasses went the way of my stylus. ☹️

• Dust bunnies were all I could find.🫣

• A check I needed to mail to the treasurer: search time was 1-½ hours. Finally found it in my purse (halleluja). 😁

• The last time my son visited, I lost my latest pair of Rx glasses. We both searched the house to no avail. When I rechecked my bedside table that evening, I spotted the blue wired frames had fallen to one side, caught in a maze of electric cords.😄

• My large tube of sensitive toothpaste seemed to vanish. This was a real head-scratcher. Turns out, the tube had somehow found its way into a plastic tub with other, smaller tubes of creams and ointments. That mystery wasn’t solved until Day 2.😁

Is losing things (my mind being one of them) my Special Power? It sure isn’t Finding Lost Things. At my age, I worry that 

I. Am. Losing. It.

But then, surely I have lots of company (or at least I hope I do). My shrink did an impromptu cognition test (elephant, camera, TV; draw an analog clock). This exercise was in answer to a conversation we had about… you know…

I often blame the cat for rearranging items around the house. This time I can’t do that. Sure; everyone misplaces stuff. It’s just happens so often, to what can I attribute this frequent inconvenience? There’s just Tulip and me. I can blame bad odors on her litter box. (Okay; sometimes I am the stinker). Who can tell? The litter box is outside the main bathroom, which increases the chances that I shall remain blameless.

Yeah. Old age stinks.

#forgetfulness

#old_age

#cats

Mostly Reclaimed Kitchen

 

Tulip won! 

I'd largely given up cordoning off most of the kitchen countertop. Of course, half my magnets were moved onto a cookie sheet, now hanging in my bedroom. Although I TRY to keep Tulip out of trouble, she continues to:

• Walk on any clean or dirty dishes.
• Nibble on the paper towels.
• Jiggle the toaster's lever. 
• Disturb the "coffee bar" atop the microwave.
• Mess with items on the stovetop shelf. 
• Those things now sit inside the blue cabinet (one of her favorite perches).
• Now she walks on the shelf, unimpeded.
• Just like she planned all along.

Tulip is the living dictionary definition of a curious cat.