On Open Letter to My Cat

Dear Tulip, my love ~

I look forward to a certain time in the evening. 

All of your "piss and vinegar" will have diminished to the point when you are sleeping soundly.

It is 9:15pm as I write this. All evening, you have been launching yourself at the living room venetian blinds. I'll yell at you (which is totally ineffective) or try to spray you with a water bottle. Nothing really fazes you, does it?

You bounce from the back of the recliners, then run like lightning into the hallway and back again onto your perch at the back of my chair.

You do take a pause in your shenanigans... once you knock off the plastic dish that covers the fire extinguisher. 

Why is it covered in the first place? Because when you jiggle the metal pieces on top, my nerves get jangled. I had hoped you would leave the darned thing alone because...well, you shouldn't realize it was still there. But covered or not, your curiosity remains.

It is time for me to acknowledge the fact that you are probably smarter than me. 

Love,

Mom

Sing to Cat Stevens' Tune

Morning has Broken

Lyrics by Barbara Crowley, with apologies to Cat Stevens

(Chorus)

Morning has broken

Someone, please fix it.

It’s known as day-break,

(Just so you know).

Cowbells are ringing,

Happiness springing,

So I am singing,

Like it - or not.

(Verse 1)

Afternoon’s too late to

Work in the garden.

Suffering heat stroke’s

Not my best plan.

Praise for the climate

In North Carolina;

Sure beats the winters

Spent living up north.

(Verse 2)

Evenings mean prime time

For watching the Bøøb Tube.

Network and cable,

Netflix and Prime.

All the subscriptions to

Disney and Hulu

Are costing me money,

And broken the bank.

(Chorus)

Morning has broken

Someone, please fix it.

It’s known as day-break,

(Just so you know).

Cowbells are ringing,

Happiness springing,

So I am singing,

Like it - or not.

Tulip's Getting on My Last Nerve...

There are three ways my sweet puddy cat has worn out her welcome today.

One:     I am TRYING to write my novel, but Tulip keeps laying behind my laptop. If she just would stay still, I'd be okay with that. But she s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s out her body, oh so luxuriantly. (This reminds me of how my Dalmatian used to edge me off the bed.) Meanwhile, the laptop disconnects and I must enter my password all over again. Today I've lost the connection four times so far! (Grrrr!) 

Two:    Tulip keeps threatening to overturn her very full food dish off the table. I watch her like a hawk. Sometimes I may even screech like one, just to quell her urge to spill.

Three:    I took her bowl away (temporarily; I'm not a monster), just to see what she would do. Tulip started upending the plastic mat below her dish and munching on the brown plastic pieces on the sides of the table.

Now she's sulking.

Paper munching

Diane H is my new cleaning lady (not that I had an old one). She was referred to me by my Scrabble buddy, Diane M.

On Monday, Diane H learned first-hand about Tulip's penchant for any kind of eating paper. She caught my cat in the act of daintily eating the check I had slipped into her purse.  

Today, Diane M retold this story to me at our weekly Scrabble club. So, my little stinker made a lasting impression on our shared resource.

Tulip's fan base may be growing (or shrinking) with every person she meets.

A fishbowl life

I recently replaced four venetian blinds because not-just-Tulip wrecked the old ones. What's nice about the new blinds is they don't have the cords for kids and pets used to get caught in.

Well, Tulip likes to mess with the new blinds. During the day, I roll the blinds all the way up so she can't get at them. At night, however, I prefer to have the blinds DOWN. I don't want to live in a fishbowl, but it seems that that is my destiny.

On this point, Tulip and I do not agree. 

Even if I lower the living room blinds half-way, she'll jump behind or under them and start to bend the slats. If I'm quick enough to spray her with a water bottle, sometimes I can discourage her.  

Most evenings, two kitchen windows are open all the way. That's OK because I don't spend a lot of time on display. In the living room, I sit in a recliner with windows on either side of me. I'm lucky if the window to my left is 2/3 covered. On the right, Tulip ambushes the blinds from behind my chair, daring me to spritz her. By the time I can react, she's already run out from her hiding spot, just to laugh at me. 

😸   😸   😸   😸   😸   😸   😸   😸   😸   😸    

M👱m doesn't like this game. 

Unlike me, Tulip LIKES living in a 🐠bowl.

Yup, as usual,Tulip wins.

More Tulip-Inspired Hacks

Do you remember me telling you about Tulip's annoying habit of nudging her food bowl off the table? That was fine in the beginning because the bowl was always empty. No big deal, right?

Then she continued to do so when there was still food in her dish. Kibble spilled everywhere! That's not cool, Tulip!

Had to replace the strip of wood that had been on the right hand side of the table because Tulip kept munching on it (I worried about her ingesting glue). Then I installed a plastic wire cover from Dollar Tree to the right side. It was an ingenious idea, except she started pushing her bowl towards the front of the table. The messes continued.

Now the table has two sides with the plastic strips which act like a baby bumper. Adding the border to the front edge has curtailed the previous bowl escapades. A qualified success!